Camp Loma Mar, Part 2
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Posted on October 23, 2014 by

ENH-Main-Full-ColorFor a week Katie and I practiced showering and using a sleeping bag. We talked about camp. We practiced greeting strangers. We labeled and packed clothes. We assembled the required gear. I read her social stories.

The night before camp, Katie was almost too excited to sleep. She fidgeted in her sleeping bag and chattered about her new hiking shoes and the red flashlight. In the morning, she dressed herself and helped me carry her things downstairs. She looked at the single suitcase and ran upstairs. I found her in my room shoving a pair of my jeans into a duffle bag. She thrust a small case at me. “Mommy, pack makeup.”

“Katie, I’m not going to camp. Last time Mommy went to San Diego and you stayed home with the sitter. Now you are going to camp and Mommy is staying home.”

She looked at me doubtfully.

“It’ll be okay, Katie. I’ll be here when you get back.”

We put her suitcase and sleeping bag in the car and drove to school. Her face remained creased with concern. As we neared the school, we saw three huge buses decorated with stars pull into the parking lot. Katie broke into a grin. “I want to go on the star bus. Ride the bus to outdoor ed camp.”

We hauled her stuff through throngs of parents and kids. We found Ms. Maria and Ms. Kobra, the two aides who would be attending camp with Katie, along with Josh, the other child from her class who was going. Josh looked a bit disoriented, but Katie couldn’t wait to get on the bus. She tolerated a quick hug and we said goodbye. I stood in front of the school with Josh’s mom and we waited. “I had no idea,” she said. “How much I still do for him. The more I thought about camp, the more things I realized he needed to know how to do.”

I nodded, grateful that I had worked on basic self-help skills with Katie for several years. But it was also true that new situations such as camp uncovered things I had overlooked or forgotten.

website52The buses roared to life, and we waved as they departed for Camp Loma Mar. Josh’s mother left, and I stood there for a minute, wondering how the next few days would play out. The principal walked by and asked how I was feeling.

“Pretty good, considering. This is a big step for Katie.”

“I’m glad you sent her,” the principal said. “Based on what I’ve seen at recess, Katie’s going to rock camp.”

Bolstered by her words, I went home, wondering if I’d get a call from camp. I never did. Instead I went out with friends and had several great dates.

When I went to school to pick her up after four days at camp, Ms. Maria prompted Katie to say something that they had clearly practiced. Katie looked at me and got a little teary-eyed. “I love you, Mom.”

The teacher looked surprised and asked if that was what they had practiced. Maria shook her head. I said, “I love you too, Katie. I really missed you. Can I hug you?” She nodded and I hugged her hard. “I am so proud of you. You totally earned your Shrek DVDs.”

The aides both nodded. “She did great,” Ms. Kobra said.

“Better than great,” said Ms. Maria. “Fantastic.”

Katie pulled away and said, “Camp was FUN!” Then she began to obsessively talk about going to the fair and riding the strawberry ride, which I would later realize was code for I need some vestibular input ASAP.

p_300_1294863120We bought ice cream sandwiches at CREAM to celebrate and then went to the park to swing for a long time. Afterward she insisted we go to Target to buy the much coveted Shrek four-pack. Then we went home and she crashed ten minutes into the first Shrek movie.

Later she would tell me that camp was “super awesome” and “Jane (or June?) was nice.” Everything in her suitcase was damp, but nothing got lost and she appears to have changed her clothes, including socks and underwear, every day and brushed her teeth at least once—which is better than some typically functioning kids manage. Plus she picked up new phrases such as “are you kidding me?” and “oh man.”

Once again my beautiful, talented daughter met my expectations—and then exceeded them beyond my wildest hopes. I’m so glad I took the risk and sent her to Camp Loma Mar. We both gained more than we bargained for.

Until next time,
Cynthia Patton

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Where Does Creativity Hide?
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Posted on October 21, 2014 by

988669_10152882434160652_1893030052_nWelcome to another Tuesday with TED. Today we have author Amy Tan. Tan is the author of such beloved books as The Joy Luck Club, The Kitchen God’s Wife, and The Hundred Secret Senses.

Born in the United States to immigrant parents from China, Amy Tan rejected her mother’s expectations that she become a doctor and concert pianist. She chose to write fiction instead. Her much-loved, best-selling novels have been translated into 35 languages. In 2008, she wrote a libretto for The Bonesetter’s Daughter, which premiered that September with the San Francisco Opera.

Tan was the creative consultant for Sagwa, the Emmy-nominated PBS series for children, and she has appeared as herself on The Simpsons. She’s the lead rhythm dominatrix, backup singer, and second tambourine with the Rock Bottom Remainders, a literary garage band that has raised more than a million dollars for literacy programs.

In this TED Talk, Tan digs deep into the creative process, looking for hints of how hers evolved. It’s surprisingly funny as well as interesting. Enjoy!

Did this talk change how you looked at story, fate, and creativity? Leave a comment below.

Until next time,
Cynthia Patton

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Camp Loma Mar, Part 1
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Posted on October 16, 2014 by

ENH-Main-Full-ColorLast week my daughter Katie went to outdoor education camp with her 5th grade classmates. Such a simple statement. But for a child with autism, nothing is ever as simple as it seems, and Camp Loma Mar was no exception.

I found out about outdoor ed camp via an email reminding parents to attend the informational meeting Tuesday night. Tuesday night?!? As in tomorrow? I scrambled to work out the logistics. Weeknight evenings are never easy for me. My solution was to have Mom fill in for me during Katie’s in-home therapy session. After therapy she would make spaghetti and meatballs with Katie so everyone (meaning Mom, Katie, Dad, and me) could rendezvous later that night for dinner.

I attended the informational meeting unsure what to expect. The camp staff person presented a slide show and the photos brought back memories of my camp experience at Redwood Glen, including being a camp counselor as a high school student. The photos also brought up anxiety and sadness. Would Katie be able to do what so many took for granted?

Parents asked questions about cell phones (prohibited), poison oak (not an issue if one stayed on the path), showering (most used swimsuits), and even failure to change underwear for the duration of camp. One dad expressed concern about bunk bed safety. Seriously? Meanwhile I wondered about sensory overstimulation, behavioral issues, and interacting with peers.

Over dinner that night I shared my concerns with my parents. They were more worried than me. In the following days, I asked Katie’s therapists for input. They all thought it would be a beneficial learning experience. Which is not exactly the same as saying she could handle it, but feeling optimistic, I requested a meeting with Katie’s school team.

Loma Mar Campfire- Blog!At the meeting, school staff worried about Katie spending time away from me. Her teacher commented that Katie might not be cognitively capable of feeling homesick, and I wasn’t sure if I should feel offended. Other school concerns included Katie burning herself at the nightly campfire, drowning in the tide pools, bathing herself, and being able to carry her suitcase to her cabin. None of these things worried me in the least. I was, however, concerned that Katie would become overstimulated, and without an adult trained to spot the warning signs, a serious meltdown would occur. The new behaviorist suggested that Katie needed a “de-escalation plan” to supplement her existing behavior plan. Her in-home therapists agreed to provide input as they had far more experience with Katie in novel environments than the school personnel.

That afternoon the in-home therapists and I brainstormed what we needed to work on in the ten days we had to prepare Katie for camp: social stories, self-soothing techniques, showering (rather than bathing), sleeping bag (rather than bed), greeting peers, etc. I was feeling cautiously optimistic until I had to pay the $350 fee. Now there was no going back.

For two days I felt tremendously anxious. How would Katie manage without a swing to regulate her sensory system, without me to read her nonverbal cues? Why hadn’t the school told me who the aide would be? Was camp a totally stupid idea? Was I pushing too hard? I called and texted friends who laughed and told me to relax.

I struggled to uncover the source of my anxiety. It finally came to me that I feared sending my barely verbal child into the world on her own. What if she couldn’t find the words to communicate what she needed? What if the other children ignored her, or worse, made fun of her? How could she tell me if something went horribly wrong?

She can’t. That’s the reality I have to live with as the parent of an autistic child. Keeping her home won’t change that fact.

images-2I sat with my fear and let it wash over me. Breathe, I told myself. Breathe. Unless I wanted Katie dependent on me forever, both of us needed to take this critical step. I needed to trust my instinct that this was a great opportunity. What was the worst that could happen? She could melt down and I would need to drive to Half Moon Bay to take her home early. I considered this outcome. I could live with that. Whatever happened we would learn from it and move on.

I felt my shoulders relax. I was shocked to realize that perhaps I needed camp as much as Katie did.

Part 2 will follow next week.

Until next time,
Cynthia Patton

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The Story of Life in Photographs
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Posted on October 14, 2014 by

988669_10152882434160652_1893030052_nWelcome to another Tuesday with TED. Today we have photographer Frans Lanting, one of the greatest nature photographers of our time. His work has been featured in National Geographic, Audubon, and Time, as well as numerous award-winning books. Lanting’s recent exhibition, The LIFE Project, offers a lyrical interpretation of the history of life on Earth.

In the pursuit of his work, Lanting has lived in the trees with wild macaws, camped with giant tortoises inside a volcanic crater, and documented never-before-photographed wildlife and tribal traditions in Madagascar. The Dutch-born, California-based photographer has traveled to Botswana’s Okavango Delta, the rain forests of Borneo, and the home of emperor penguins in Antarctica.

The resulting photographs – staggering in their beauty, startling in their originality — have brought much-needed attention to endangered species and ecological crises throughout the world. In 2001, HRH Prince Bernhard of the Netherlands inducted Lanting as a Knight in the Royal Order of the Golden Ark, the country’s highest conservation honor — just one of many honors he has received throughout his illustrious career.

In this stunning slideshow, Lanting presents The LIFE Project, a poetic collection of photographs (with soundtrack by Phillip Glass)  that tell the story of our planet, from its eruptive beginnings to its present diversity.

What did you think of Lanting’s story? Did you find it effective?

Until next time,
Cynthia Patton

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What I Learned From Building a Foundation For Fitness, Part 1
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Posted on October 9, 2014 by

Yoga MatLast year, in the spring of 2013, I took a workshop called Building a Foundation for Fitness, which was taught by my friend Amy Christensen, the owner of Expand Outdoors. Since I lost weight and ran in the fun run at my daughter’s school, people have continued to ask how I did it. Part of it was the amazing products produced by Isagenix, but the other reason for my success was Amy’s incredible workshop. In fact, I think if it had not been for Amy’s workshop, I would not be 40 pounds lighter or regularly practicing yoga.

Why was Amy’s workshop so helpful? I thought about it and made a list. The list got so long, I had to split it into three parts. So here’s the first five things that I learned from Building a Foundation for Fitness:

  1. FIND EXERCISE THAT YOU ENJOY—If you hate going to the gym like I do, then don’t buy a gym membership and beat yourself up when you don’t go. Find a form of exercise you enjoy and do that instead. When I gave up the gym and joined a yoga studio, I began exercising more. Duh.
  2. PLAN AHEAD—This sounds simple—and it is—until life gets hectic. Then if you are like me, you skip exercise. Healthy eating is the next thing to go. But a little advanced planning can make all the difference.
  3. A SCHEDULE IS YOUR FRIEND—As a creative person, I used to fight schedules. I thought it would hamper my creativity. But it turns out a schedule takes thinking out of the equation and keeps me accountable. Once my exercise is scheduled, if a conflict later develops, I reschedule the exercise just like any other appointment. Simple and effective.
  4. PUT ON WORKOUT CLOTHES WHEN YOU GET UP—I had read about this technique, but thought it would never work for me. Well, I was wrong. Yes, there were a few days I spent the entire day in yoga clothes and never exercised, but most mornings I figured I might as well go to class since I already had the clothes on….
  5. EXERCISE WHEN CHILDCARE IS NOT AN ISSUE—This seems really obvious, but I didn’t do it. I’d plan to exercise when my daughter was home, and then beat myself up when it didn’t happen. Once I scheduled exercise during my former “work hours” when Katie was at school, I started exercising a lot more.

Are any of these tips new to you? Which tip did you find most helpful?

Stay tuned for Part 2.

Until next time,
Cynthia Patton

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How The Worst Moments in Our Lives Make Us Who We Are
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Posted on October 7, 2014 by

988669_10152882434160652_1893030052_nWelcome to another Tuesday with TED. Today we have writer Andrew Solomon. Solomon writes about politics, culture, and psychology and has spent his career telling stories of the hardships of others. His 2012 book, Far From the Tree: Parents, Children, and the Search for Identity, tells the stories of parents who not only learn to deal with their exceptional children, but also find profound meaning in doing so.

Solomon’s startling proposition is that diversity is what unites us. He writes about families coping with deafness, dwarfism, Down syndrome, autism, schizophrenia, multiple severe disabilities, with children who are prodigies, who are conceived in rape, who become criminals, who are transgender. Their struggles toward compassion and the triumphs of love — so very different, yet sharing profound common links — are documented in every chapter.

Solomon’s previous book, The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression, won the 2001 National Book Award for nonfiction.

In this inspiring talk, Solomon turns inward, bringing us into a childhood of adversity, while also spinning tales of the courageous people he’s met in the years since. In a moving, heartfelt, and at times downright funny talk, Solomon gives a powerful call to action to forge meaning from our biggest struggles. Sit back and enjoy!

Did this talk change how you view adversity? Did it change the stories you tell and how you define identity?

Until next time,
Cynthia Patton

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Tailgating at Stanford
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Posted on October 2, 2014 by

Stanford LogoAs I mentioned last week, I attended a  football game at Stanford University. Michael 2.0 offered me tickets to the Stanford versus U.C. Davis game and I thought it would be fun, even though I knew in all likelihood, Davis would get crushed. (They did.) I’d planned to leave my daughter at home with a sitter, but when the sitter fell through, I decided to bring Katie along with me to the game, we decide to make it a double trip so we could go to the game, and ask for help and information regarding the scholarships available as this is one of the best veterinary colleges among all the business and doctoral careers available, we really wanted to see the options as we know there are many opportunities if you have a good and high grade record.

There was traffic, and when I finally reached Palo Alto, I was rear-ended by a man in a Mercedes. (Nothing serious, but I suspect he was texting.) When we finally reached the tailgate party in Chuck Taylor Grove—sweaty, tired, and dusty—I realized it had been a mistake to bring Katie. She watched Michael 2.0 hug me and sized him up, stared as if weighing how long to punish him for his absence. But it passed, and soon she was holding his hand and saying, “Michael, come home with you.”

He looked at me, puzzled.

“Katie, say come home with me.”

Stunned, he staged whispered, “Don’t teach her that.”

“Why not? She needs to master pronouns.”

“Because….”

Katie yanked on his arm. “Michael, come home with us, come home with us.”

Flustered, he stammered an excuse and broke away.

Katie watched him, pouting. She waited ten minutes and then slipped over to him, grabbing his hand. “Michael, come home with me.”

I asked what she wanted. “Come home with you … Home with me, please.” Lately Katie often invites people home, but I could sense this was something more, something bigger. Something she didn’t have the words to say.

Michael 2.0 humored her for a few minutes, then slipped off again.

The tension built as the afternoon progressed. Finally Katie grabbed Michael’s wrist as he walked past and grabbed mine with her other hand. Standing in the middle, she pulled us closer. Suddenly I saw what she wanted. She wanted a family, a traditional mother and father. She showed me everything she couldn’t say, and it broke my heart.

There are many things money can buy: more childcare, better services, intensive therapy, even a horse for therapeutic riding. But there are other things money can never buy. If I could go to Target (or even Nordstrom) and pick out a daddy for Katie, I would do it in a minute. Believe me, I would. Even in the vast world of online dating, I can’t seem to find suitable daddy material, and Michael 2.0 for all his many worthwhile qualities, wasn’t up to the task. So I keep putting myself out there, contacting men like I’m prospecting for gold, but for all my years of effort, I’ve turned up nothing.

220px-Ucdavis_aggiesMy child doesn’t care about that. She simply wants what others have and take for granted: a dad. After all this time she still doesn’t have one, and that fact frustrates and saddens me. For a few precious days Michael 2.0 gave her that sense of family, but then, like so many people in Katie’s  life, he vanished. Now he was back and she wanted him to stay.

How could I not have seen this would happen? Duh, duh, duh.

I was angry with myself and could feel a meltdown approaching from Katie. Michael 2.0 said, “Katie, I have work to do but I’ll be right here. I’m staying here.”

Taken at it’s most literal, this statement was not what she wanted to hear. Katie pulled harder. We peeled her clenched fingers off his wrist. “It’s okay, Katie. It’s okay.”

But it wasn’t okay, not really, and she burst into tears—loud, dramatic tears that I knew would escalate into something worse. I pulled her towards the path, away from the discretely staring eyes, and said I needed to use the bathroom.

Stanford restrooms have marble floors and walls and granite countertops, making them nicer (and cleaner) than the bathrooms in our home. She headed for the oversized handicap stall and kicked the wall several times, the slumped in the corner and cried hard. I cried too. She wailed, took a breath, then wailed some more. This went on for awhile until she eventually calmed down.

“I’m sorry,” she said.

“You don’t need to be sorry,” I said. “Mommy is frustrated and sad too.”

“Frustrated,” she said, wiping her face on her sleeve.

“I know you like him,” I said. “But Michael isn’t good daddy material. We need to find a better daddy, Katie. We’ll keep looking.”

She perked up a bit. “Mommy look. Mommy look for daddy.”

“I will look for a daddy. I promise.”

I wanted to hug her, but when I asked she said no. We were both wiped out.

We washed our hands our hands and splashed water on our faces. We returned to the grove and my friend Dee Dee said, “Oh the poor kid. Are you guys leaving ? I think I’m ready to go too.”

HugWe gathered our things and Michael 2.0 came over to say goodbye. He hugged Dee Dee and me, then bent down to hug Katie, who let him. He hugged her for a long time and she leaned into his embrace.

He wants to, I thought, he just can’t make the leap. In that respect, he is exactly like Michael 1.0.

Katie glanced back once as we left, but as soon as the grove was out of sight, she happily followed Dee Dee’s son and his friend and tried to talk to Dee Dee’s teenage daughter. It’s not a struggle for them, I thought. Why is it so hard for others?

I may never know the answer to that question, but I know I want my daughter surrounded by people who love and accept her despite her differences. The people who find it easy.

Katie invited three people home that evening in Palo Alto, including a super cute (and married) traffic cop, and everyone politely declined after a round of laughter. We’ll both keep looking—each in her own way.

Until next time,
Cynthia Patton

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Art That Craves Your Attention
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Posted on September 30, 2014 by

988669_10152882434160652_1893030052_nWelcome to another Tuesday with TED. Today we have artist and TED Fellow Aparna Rao. As part of the Bangalore-based artist duo Pors & Rao, Rao works with electro-mechanical systems and interactive installations.

With the clever use of technology, Rao creates art installations that let people experience familiar objects and interactions in refreshingly humorous ways. From her sound-sensitive “Pygmies” to her 2-person “Uncle Phone,” Rao’s work encourages participation rather than spectatorship. By combining high-tech and high-art, she imbues her creations with playful expression and quirky behaviors.

Rao studied at the National Institute of Design in Ahmedabad, India, and at Interaction Design Institute in Italy. In 2005, she partnered with Soren Pors and they’ve worked in collaboration ever since as Pors & Rao.

In this charming talk, Rao shows us her latest work: cool, cartoony sculptures (with neat robotic tricks underneath them) that play with your perception — and crave your attention. Take a few minutes to simply be delighted.

I just loved this talk and found Rao funny and absolutely fascinating. Did you enjoy her art? Did this talk inspire new avenues in your creativity? Leave a comment below.

Until next time,
Cynthia Patton 

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Cynthia’s Yearlong 50th Birthday Bash-September Update
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Posted on September 25, 2014 by

J0341653As I described back in April (you can read the post here), I’m celebrating my 50th birthday with a year of activities, challenges, and FUN designed to honor this milestone. I’m calling it Cynthia’s Yearlong 50th Birthday Bash, and so far it’s been pretty amazing.

Here’s what I did in September to mark this big and badass year:

  • Launch—This month I launched a new partnership with my very own personal assistant, Val. I have long wanted a PA but didn’t think I could afford one. Then Val dropped into my life, and we clicked. Val started work on September 2nd, and she’s been solving problems for me ever since. I’m so happy to have her on my team as I prepare to launch my special needs law firm on October 1st!
  • Submission—I submitted to Creative Nonfiction, the mother of all nonfiction journals. Their theme was “waiting,” and thanks to infertility, I know a thing or two about that subject. Now I must wait to see what happens..
  • New Things—1) I participated in The Blank Canvas Blog Hop. If you missed it, you can read my post, Facing a Blank Page, here. 2) I drank kombucha and found it surprisingly good. 3) I joined a Facebook group called Paper Our Walls with Rejection Slips, which offers support to writers dealing with–wait for it–rejection. I’ve already been rejected by two of the four journals I submitted to last month plus some others, so I’ve had plenty to discuss. 4) I had an ice cream sandwich at CREAM. They have gluten-free cookies and dairy-free ice cream, so I’m sure Katie and I will return. Yummy!
  • Challenge—This month I’m preparing my daughter Katie for 5th grade outdoor education camp. It’s no longer at Redwood Glen like it was when I was in grade school, but otherwise it’s pretty much the same. The kids go Camp Loma Mar for four days and three nights, sleeping in rustic cabins with their peers. I wanted Katie to go as soon as I heard about it, but it took several meetings with Katie’s school team as well as her in-home team to work out (most of) the details. What is simple for a typically functioning child is not so simple for one on the spectrum. Now I’m scrambling to get her as prepared as I can for this huge step. I’m crossing my fingers that it goes well.
  • Fun—This month I attended my first tailgate party for the Stanford versus UC Davis football game. Katie came with me and we hung out in the Chuck Taylor Grove at Stanford, compliments of Michael 2.0, before watching the game. Davis lost, but it was still a fun day. I also had a terrific night out in Palo Alto with my friend Deborah. I had several fun dates with a new guy. Plus I attended a day-long yoga retreat at the Purple Orchid Inn. Fun and relaxing—how can anyone beat that?

I’m six months into my yearlong birthday bash, and it’s going smashingly. What new things are you trying? Leave a comment below.

Until next time,
Cynthia Patton

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The 4 a.m. Mystery
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Posted on September 23, 2014 by

988669_10152882434160652_1893030052_nToday on Tuesday on TED we have performance poet, multimedia artist, and storyteller Rives, who has been called “the first 2.0 poet,” using images, video, and technology to bring his words to life.

Part poet, part storyteller, part philosopher, Rives is a frequent TED speaker. On stage, his poems burst in many directions, exposing multiple layers and unexpected treats: childhood memories, grown-up humor, notions of love and lust, of what is lost forever, and of what’s still out there waiting to unfold.

A regular on HBO’s Def Poetry Jam, Rives also starred alongside model Bar Refaeli in the 2008 Bravo special Ironic Iconic America, touring the United States on a “roller coaster ride through the eye-popping panorama of American pop culture.” Flat pages can’t contain his storytelling, even when paper is his medium. The pop-up books he creates for children unfold with surprise: The Christmas Pop-Up Present expands to reveal moving parts, hidden areas, and miniature booklets inside.

In this interesting talk, Rives does 8 minutes of lyrical origami, folding history into a series of coincidences surrounding that most surreal of hours, 4 o’clock in the morning. Don’t miss this one!

Did this talk change how you view 4 a.m.? How might you use some of Rives’ techniques to expand your own creative endeavors?

Until next time,
Cynthia Patton

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