To This Day … For The Bullied and Beautiful
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National Day of Action against Bullying and Violence

​Each year, schools across Australia join together to mark the National Day of Action against Bullying and Violence (NDA). This annual day provides a focus for schools to say Bullying. No Way! and to strengthen their everyday messages that bullying and violence at school are not okay at any time.

The NDA occurs on the third Friday in March each year and is organised by all Australian education authorities through the Safe and Supportive School Communities (SSSC) Working Group.

The ninth NDA is being held on Friday 15 March 2019.

Schools are encouraged to participate by organising local events and activities to mark the NDA. The For schools section of the Bullying. No Way! website has lots of information to help you get the most out of the day, including suggestions for school events, class activities, promotional resources, lesson plans and more.

Make sure to follow the National Day on Facebook and keep checking the website. In the meantime, ignite the conversation and download awareness raising materials to spread the Bullying. No Way! message.

The Effects of Cyberbullying

illustration of young girl in front of laptop experiencing distress from cyberbullying

 

Illustration by Emily Roberts, Verywell

Bullying, no matter whether it is traditional bullying or cyberbullying, causes significant emotional and psychological distress. In fact, just like any other victim of bullying, cyberbullied kids experience anxiety, fear, depression, and low self-esteem. They also may deal with low self-esteem, experience physical symptoms, and struggle academically. But targets of cyberbullying also experience some unique consequences and negative feelings.

Common Effects and Feelings Associated With Cyberbullying

Here are some common feelings cyberbullied teens and tweens often experience. 

Feel Overwhelmed: Being targeted by cyberbullies is crushing especially if a lot of kids are participating in the bullying. It can feel at times like the entire world knows what it is going on.  

Sometimes the stress of dealing with cyberbullying can cause kids to feel like the situation is more than they can handle.  

Feel Vulnerable and Powerless: Victims of cyberbullying often find it difficult to feel safe. Typically, this is because the bullying can invade their home through a computer or cell phone at any time of day. They no longer have a place where they can escape. To a victim, it feels like bullying is everywhere, the overwhelming feeling of insecurity also causes that they may also be afraid of being judged by their own parents or family, 70% of teens hide online behavior from parents making themselves to deal with that situation alone.

Additionally, because the bullies can remain anonymous, this can escalate feelings of fear. Kids who are targeted have no idea who is inflicting the pain—although some cyberbullies choose people they know.

Feel Exposed and Humiliated: Because cyberbullying occurs in cyberspace, online bullying feels permanent. Kids know that once something is out there, it will always be out there.

When cyberbullying occurs, the nasty posts, messages or texts can be shared with multitudes of people. The sheer volume of people that know about the bullying can lead to intense feelings of humiliation.

Feel Dissatisfied With Who They Are: Cyberbullying often attacks victims where they are most vulnerable. As a result, targets of cyberbullying often begin to doubt their worth and value. They may respond to these feelings by harming themselves in some way.

For instance, if a girl is called fat, she may begin a crash diet with the belief that if she alters how she looks then the bullying will stop. Other times victims will try to change something about their appearance or attitude in order to avoid additional cyberbullying.

Feel Angry and Vengeful: Sometimes victims of cyberbullying will get angry about what is happening to them. As a result, they plot revenge and engage in retaliation. This approach is dangerous because it keeps them locked in the bully-victim cycle. It is always better to forgive a bully than it is to get even.

Feel Disinterested in Life. When cyberbullying is ongoing, victims often relate to the world around them differently than others. For many, life can feel hopeless and meaningless. They lose interest in things they once enjoyed and spend less time interacting with family and friends. And, in some cases, depression and thoughts of suicide can set in.

If you notice a change in your child’s mood, get him evaluated by a doctor as soon as possible.

Feel Alone and Isolated: Cyberbullying sometimes causes teens to be excluded and ostracized at school. This experience is particularly painful because friends are crucial at this age. When kids don’t have friends, this can lead to more bullying.  

What’s more, when cyberbullying occurs, most people recommend shutting off the computer or turning off the cell phone. But, for teens, this often means cutting off communication with their world. Their phones and their computers are one of the most important ways they communicate with others. If that option for communication is removed, they can feel secluded and cut off from their world. 

Feel Disinterested in School: Cyberbullying victims often have much higher rates of absenteeism at school than non-bullied kids. They skip school to avoid facing the kids bullying them or because they are embarrassed and humiliated by the messages that were shared. Their grades suffer too because they find it difficult to concentrate or study because of the anxiety and stress the bullying causes. And in some cases, kids will either drop out of school or lose interest in continuing their education after high school. 

Feel Anxious and Depressed: Victims of cyberbullying often succumb to anxiety, depression and other stress-related conditions. This occurs primarily because cyberbullying erodes their self-confidence and self-esteem. Additionally, the added stress of coping with cyberbullying on a regular basis erodes their feelings of happiness and contentment. 

Feel Ill: When kids are cyberbullied, they often experience headaches, stomachaches or other physical ailments. The stress of bullying also can cause stress-related conditions like stomach ulcers and skin conditions.

Additionally, kids who are cyberbullied may experience changes in eating habits like skipping meals or binge eating. And their sleep patterns may be impacted. They may suffer from insomnia, sleep more than usual or experience nightmares. 

Feel Suicidal: Cyberbullying increases the risk of suicide. Kids that are constantly tormented by peers through text messages, instant messaging, social media, and other outlets, often begin to feel hopeless. They may even begin to feel like the only way to escape the pain is through suicide. As a result, they may fantasize about ending their life in order to escape their tormentors. 

If your child is being cyberbullied, do not dismiss their feelings. Be sure you communicate daily, take steps to help end the torment such as depression treatment and keep close tabs on changes in mood and behavior. Get your child evaluated by a health care professional if notice any personality changes at all.

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More Essential Than Air
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Coffee beansOne of the most interesting things about my ongoing health and wellness journey is that without realizing it, I stopped using coffee and tea. That’s right. No caffeine. A few months ago this would have seemed laughable, if not downright ludicrous. No caffeine? As a single mother with an autistic child, coffee (and green tea) had become as essential as air—perhaps even more essential. I knew it wasn’t good for me, but I didn’t think I could survive without it.

It’s not like I’ve been a huge coffee drinker all my life. I survived law school without it—as well as without cordless phones, internet access, or email. How primitive does that sound? I began drinking coffee in Europe, after law school, and then with a vengeance when I practiced law. Black coffee was always available. I would drink several cups in the morning and switch to Diet Pepsi in the afternoon.

After several years I began to experience stomach pain and given my profession, my doctor assumed an ulcer. When he learned how much coffee I was drinking, he suggested I cut back. I quit cold turkey, and for two weeks, it was as if I had narcolepsy. I’d fall asleep without warning at my big rosewood desk and wake with a start, horrified to discover that I’d drooled on the client’s blueprints. Once it was over, I never looked back. I’d allow myself an occasional cup of coffee for brunch but otherwise drank tea on the days I needed a life. Coffee, I’d noticed now that I wasn’t drinking it regularly, made me jittery.

Hand-writing-with-penFor over a decade I rarely drank coffee. But after Katie was diagnosed with autism, I began spending more and more time waiting during her therapy sessions. At first I simply read magazines. Eventually I decided to use the time more productively and write. I carried a notebook with me and began to frequent Starbucks and Peet’s Coffee & Tea. I discovered lattes didn’t upset my stomach, and from there it wasn’t much of a leap to justify purchasing a flavored latte and a breakfast sandwich so I could work and eat while Katie received therapy. I completed two drafts of my memoir in this manner, but my weight and blood sugar suffered.

About a year ago, I tried to cut back on caffeine and found that I couldn’t. I started making my own coffee at home with a French press and organic nonfat milk. I’d cut out the sugar, but not the caffeine. I argued this wasn’t bad for a single mom. I couldn’t afford two weeks of faux narcolepsy.

Now somehow, without even trying, I’m off coffee entirely. I started using the Isagenix 30-Day Cleanse and Fat-Burning System, and after the first week, lost the desire for caffeine. Interestingly I sleep better and wake in the morning feeling refreshed rather than groggy. I’ve stopped craving sweets. I’m also feeling in control of my eating for the first time in my life.

I know better than to say I’ll never drink coffee again, but I’m thrilled about this unexpected change—just one more in my unplanned life. If I can omit caffeine, just what else is possible?

Until next time,
Cynthia Patton

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Activism For A New Generation
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988669_10152882434160652_1893030052_nWelcome to another Tuesday with TED. This week we’re watching author and blogger Courtney E. Martin who examines the perennially loaded word “feminism” in this deeply personal and heartfelt talk. Born in 1979, the thirty-something writer walks us through the three essential paradoxes of her generation’s quest to define the term for themselves. It’s also about what it means to be a young adult in the 21st Century.

Martin has built a career chronicling — and encouraging — the current generation of young activists and feminists. She’s an editor at Feministing.com and the author of Do It Anyway: The New Generation of Activists.

Even if you don’t consider yourself a feminist, watch this talk. It’s enlightening.

I don’t know about you, but I love the concept of writer as activist. Did this talk change how you view the term feminism? Whether male or female, do you consider yourself a feminist? As a female attorney, I have long embraced the word but I know that many in my genration feel uncomfortable using it. Why do you think this is still such a loaded word?

Until next time,
Cynthia Patton

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Story Included In Another Chicken Soup for the Soul Publication
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Chicken Soup Dating GameSomehow I managed to forget — probably because of everything that’s been going on in my life — that my story, “The Little Matchmaker,” will be published by the folks at Chicken Soup for the Soul later this month. The new anthology is called Chicken Soup for the Soul:The Dating Game.

The Chicken Soup for the Soul series has been good to me. This is my fifth publication in one of their books. The anthology was originally scheduled to be released at the end of the year, but the publication date was recently pushed up to December 17, 2013. You can pre-order it now through my bookstore. (It will ship from Amazon.) I’m thrilled to be included.

A big thank you to Chicken Soup for the Soul for publishing my work (five times!) and getting my work out into the world for others to read.

Until next time,
Cynthia Patton

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Positive Changes
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dog-leashAs part of my bucket list for the second half of my 49th year, I wanted to focus on my health. This was shorthand for eating better (i.e., less junk food and more whole foods), losing weight, and exercising on a regular basis. As a single mom, the exercise part has long been a stumbling block. I could never seem to find a solution or system that worked in conjunction with my daughter’s frantic therapy schedule. The best I could manage was a brief twenty-minute walk with the dog—and even that didn’t happen most days.

In August, a new yoga studio opened in town, and after I tweaked my schedule to work with theirs (and Katie returned to school), I tried it out. I’ve sampled all of the weekday morning classes and each is awesome in its own way. So I do my best to squeeze in three classes per week and walk the dog on the other days. Suddenly exercise seems simple, and I wonder why it ever seemed so complicated. Maybe because I finally have a system that works for me rather than trying to force myself into a system that looked good on paper, but never really fit?

Yoga MatJust as I was settling into my new exercise routine, Michael 2.0 entered the scene. Too many late nights talking (and talking and talking) caused a disruption in my exercise (as well as work) plans, but eventually we both returned to something resembling “real life.” In one of our many conversations, however, Michael 2.0 mentioned that after breaking up with his ex-girlfriend, he got serious about his health and lost 40 pounds. I said I wanted to do the same and asked how he did it. He told me about Isagenix and the natural supplements from thehealthmania. He also encouraged me to get back to the yoga studio, which I did. Michael 2.0 is very good at reminding me to do more self-care—just one of the many reasons why I like this guy.

Two weeks of dabbling with the Isagenix shakes convinced me the products work. I decided to give their 30-Day Cleansing and Fat-Burning System a try. That’s when Michel 2.0 brought up the IsaBody Challenge.

IsagenixLogoThree times per year, Isagenix hosts an IsaBody Challenge. Essentially you enter (for free) by submitting (in my case, unbelievably horrible and depressing) “before” photos along with your weight and body measurements, After 16 weeks, you submit “after” photos and stats, along with an essay on how your life changed as a result of your transformation. The finalists in each challenge win $3,000 plus a cruise. The Grand Prize Winner, selected from the three groups of finalists, wins $25,000. Even the honorable mentions win $1,000. As a writer, I knew I’d have an advantage on the essay portion of the Challenge, so what did I have to lose? Nothing—except weight I’d already promised myself I’d shed before I turned 50. Plus there’s nothing like a good challenge to keep me motivated. (He knows me pretty well.)

So last month I entered. I’ve already lost fifteen pounds and more than twenty inches (yes, even after Thanksgiving), and Michael 2.0 is cheering me on. He’s convinced I can win the Grand Prize because even without losing weight he thinks I’m not only the best writer, but also the most beautiful woman. Have I mentioned that I adore this man?

If you want to join me on this journey, I’d welcome the company and support. Come on, it’ll be fun. I promise.

Until next time,
Cynthia Patton

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Creating the Impossible
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988669_10152882434160652_1893030052_nWelcome to another Tuesday with TED. This week we are watching filmmaker Martin Villeneuve talk about Mars et Avril, the Canadian sci-fi spectacular he made with virtually no money. In this charming talk, he explains the various ways he overcame numerous financial and logistical constraints to produce his unique and inventive vision of the future.

I haven’t watched this film yet, but after seeing this talk, I definitely want to!

How do you feel after watching this? I know it seems counterintuitive, but constraints really do seem to enhance creativity. At least that has been my experience. Has it been yours? Could you use constraints to enhance (rather than limit) your creativity?

Until next time,
Cynthia Patton

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Rocking My World
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BalanceSo yes, I met a guy—a smart, sexy, sweet man who, for lack of better words, rocks my world. He turned everything upside down the moment I met him, and he continues to do so on a regular basis.

After a string of amazing dates, a ton of late nights talking on the phone, as well as a few adventures that included my daughter Katie (more on this in a separate post), we realized Thanksgiving was approaching. What should we do?

Holidays were always difficult with my ex-husband. I’d ask what he wanted to do, and he’d claim he didn’t care. But when we did things with my family, he’d get annoyed after-the-fact and complain. Why did we always do things my way?

I’d offer to do the holiday the way his family had celebrated, but it never worked out. He’d say his mom made stuffing with sausage and chestnuts, but his sisters would argue no, she never made stuffing like that, and besides, no one had the recipe. So I’d go in search of an appropriate recipe, hunt down the foreign ingredients, burn my fingers roasting a pound of chestnuts, and make the exotic stuffing, only for him to suddenly remember that, umm, yeah, Patty was right. Mom never made stuffing like that. Why had I insisted on such a weird recipe anyway?

I could never win.

I should mention that just to complicate things in my unplanned life, the new guy shares my ex-husband’s name. They’re both Michael. I’ve already dubbed the current guy Michael 2.0, the new and improved version. He refers to my ex as version one.

Given my previous holiday woes, I was hesitant to ask Michael 2.0 about Thanksgiving. Before I could obsess about the issue, however, Michael 2.0 surprised me by asking if I wanted to go with him to his sister’s house for Thanksgiving. “Seriously?” I said.

“Yeah. She wants to meet you.”

“Okay,” I said. Problem solved. Oh wait. “Umm, I’d have to bring Katie.”

“Well, of course,” he said. “Where else would she go?”

I tried to decide what to say.

“It’ll be fine,” he said. “Trust me.”

So it was decided. We’d celebrate Thanksgiving at his sister’s house. Until he discovered his sister wasn’t doing Thanksgiving this year. She was going to Arizona instead.

We briefly considered a road trip to Southern California, but both of us were too busy. Then my mother invited us. I wasn’t sure Michael 2.0 would want to meet my entire family, but he was game. So it was decided.

A few days later Michael 2.0 called and told me he’d been thinking about Thanksgiving. Oh no, I thought. Here we go. He said for the past several years he’d fed the homeless on Thanksgiving and he’d like to continue. Would Katie and I like to join him this year and make it a new tradition?

Hiking BootFor a second I didn’t know what to say. I’d always wanted to do something like that, but my ex-husband would never consider it. Michael 2.0 said he knew a place in San Francisco where we could volunteer but he wasn’t sure how Katie would do on the train. I said I wasn’t sure either. Why not volunteer in Livermore? And since we were discussing new traditions, I’d always wanted to hike on Thanksgiving and celebrate the earth that sustains us.

“Oh,” he said. “I like that idea.”

So it was decided. Today Katie and I will get up early and take a gratitude flow class at my new yoga studio (more on this next week). Then we’ll meet Michael 2.0 and the three of us, along with the dog, will go on a hike. We’ll spend the afternoon volunteering at the Livermore Community Thanksgiving Dinner. Afterwards we’ll go to my parents’ home for dessert.

Michael 2.0 and I are thrilled. No stress and we both get to do things that are meaningful to us. The best part? The only dishes I have to clean are for the three loves of pumpkin bread I made.

Whatever you are doing today, have a wonderful and relaxing Thanksgiving.

Until next time,
Cynthia Patton

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The Lost Art of Letter-Writing
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988669_10152882434160652_1893030052_nWelcome to another Tuesday with TED. This week we’re watching writer and social entreprenuer Lakshmi Pratury who remembers the lost art of letter-writing and shares what her father wrote to her before he died. Her heartfelt talk may inspire you to set pen to paper, too.

After two decades in marketing, venture capitalism, and social entreprenuership at companies such as Intel and Global Capitalist Partners, Pratury focused on linking her home country of India more tightly with America. Her firm, Ixoraa Media, runs meetings and events to spark dialogue and make connections. In 2009, she co-hosted TEDIndia and saw such a warm response that she founded The INK Conference, in partnership with TED, that would pick up where TEDIndia left off.

Make time during your busy week to watch this short talk. It’s lovely and inspiring.

My favorite quote from this TEDTalk: “Maybe we all need to leave our children with a value legacy, and not a financial one.”

I love the concept of a value legacy. As we ease our way into Thanksgiving, what kind of legacy do you want to leave? Like Pratury, I hope to publish a book. But what else do I want to leave behind? And what am I grateful for? — even if it’s something as simple as a letter.

What are you most grateful for?

Until next time,
Cynthia Patton

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A Little Risk Is Good
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ONLINE DATINGFor almost three years I plugged away at online dating, with minimal success. To my mother’s surprise, I met a lot of forty-something men who were willing to go out with me. Despite my law degree (an apparent turn-off for many males), my daughter’s young age (not a plus to a man with an empty nest), and most importantly, Katie’s autism, a decent portion of age-appropriate men were willing to give it a shot.

I had many first and second dates. (This part did not surprise my mother.) Beyond that, the numbers dwindled. Of the few who stuck around, only two met Katie. One fled almost immediately—citing a sudden realization that he wasn’t ready for a relationship (which may or may not have been true)—and the other lasted eight months until it petered out

For two glorious months, I juggled three men. There were also dry spells. I tried to treat dating like I do writing, embracing rejection as part of the process. It was hard, but I kept at it and didn’t take anything personally. I knew that like writing it was a numbers game. If I sent out enough essays/messages, eventually something would stick.

Or at least that’s what I told myself.

After nearly three years of dating, I was burnt out. I met an interesting guy (an actor turned high school teacher) this past summer, but when that relationship went nowhere, I nearly threw in the towel. Then I received four back-to-back emails with new potential “matches.” And there he was in the last email: a man who took my breath away.

He’ll be short, I thought. Cute guys are, more often than not, beneath my minimum height threshold (i.e., shorter than me). I clicked through, and amazingly, he was six feet tall. Even better, he had a master’s degree and was wearing a suit. I love, love, love a man in a suit. Plus he was divorced but had no children (avoiding the awkward “when you wrote nine you really meant nineteen, right?” conversation).

I read his profile, and while brief, it contained no glaring spelling or grammatical errors and was both witty as well as sincere. I turned to the questions, and the more I read, the more I liked him. He was smart, funny, and well-traveled. He thought it was okay for gays to marry and adopt, believed in climate change, and recycled whenever possible. He didn’t think a woman was obligated to shave her legs or change her name after marriage. He seemed thoughtful and compassionate. He liked to read.

I looked at his photos, and when seen full-sized, I realized he was better looking than I’d initially thought. He’d played both baseball and football at Stanford. I studied his headshot. This guy could date anyone he wanted. He wouldn’t choose a frazzled single mom like me. Or would he? I read his essay again. I could feel my confidence draining away.

Luckily for me, I had just participated in an awesome risk workshop offered by my friend Amy Christensen. (I love, love, love her business, Expand Outdoors.) At the end of the session, she had challenged us to take twenty-one risks for twenty-one days. “Small ones,” she said. “Fun ones. The point is to build your risk muscle.”

I looked at the photo again. Something told me to take a risk. I sent a flirty one-line email because I figured I’d never hear back.

To my amazement, he responded almost immediately. He said he loved my profile and wanted to know me better. He included his phone number and requested mine. This was an alpha male move that probably would not work for many, but one that I found deeply appealing. We scheduled a phone call and talked until the sun came up. The next day, we had our first date. We haven’t stopped talking since.

Was the risk (and the wait) worth it? Oh hell yes.

Until next time,
Cynthia Patton

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The Happy Secret to Better Work and Creativity
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988669_10152882434160652_1893030052_nWelcome to another Tuesday with TED. This week we are listening to Shawn Achor, the CEO of Good Think Inc., a Cambridge-based consulting firm which researches positive outliers — people who are well above average — to understand where human potential, success, and happiness intersect. Based on his research, he helps organizations increase happiness and meaning, raise success rates and productivity, and create positive transformations. He is also the author of  The Happiness Advantage.

This is a terrific and fast-moving talk. Enjoy!

Did this change your views on success and happiness? How might you use this information to improve your creativity?

Until next time,
Cynthia Patton

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