How Writing Resembles Dating
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Hand-writing-with-penI’ve joked before that writing and dating have a lot in common. Both require a thick skin, an embracing of rejection as part of the process. For some reason I accepted this easily with respect to my writing. I send work out, it gets rejected, I brush myself off and submit again. Perhaps it’s because I’ve had a decent number of pieces published that I can weather the rejections. Whatever the reason, I don’t take it personally. I accept the result and move on.

Dating is different. A few months ago I was seeing someone, a therapist. We hadn’t dated long enough for me to form an opinion as to whether the relationship might work, but then he experienced a personal crisis and cancelled our fourth date. He called and explained his reasons. They made sense, but I was disappointed and sad. Far more sad than I would have predicted.

The therapist wasn’t sure when he’d be ready to resume dating, so he didn’t want me to hang around, waiting. He wanted me to get back online and “explore new possibilities.” A girlfriend later quipped that’s maybe what he wanted, but I think he needed time to process what had happened. But really, it didn’t matter what was or wasn’t going on. Whatever the reason, the therapist wasn’t ready to date me.

I accepted his position as graciously as I could. I even wished him well. Acceptance may feel cleaner and neater, but as I’ve written before, it’s still a bitch. I spent a few weeks feeling sorry for myself. Why, I wondered, couldn’t I find a decent boyfriend? I’d been in a relationship that lasted much of 2010, but since then it had been a steady stream of coffee dates and guys who weren’t ready for commitment. Sure I remained friends with all of them, but after eight years of single life, I wanted something long-term. I was tired of making small talk over coffee or a glass of wine. I wanted something real.

Even more importantly, I wanted someone who would provide my daughter Katie with a male role model, and dare I say it, serve as her father. That hadn’t been as easy or as simple as I’d thought. And don’t get me started on my friends and family members who met their current significant other while they were in the midst of a divorce. I’d put in way more time and effort and I was still very much single.

Yes, I had a law degree which for many males continues to be a turn-off. Yes, I had a young child instead of an empty nest. Yes, that child had autism. I knew all that, but still, not one guy?

ONLINE DATINGI was burnt out. If I hadn’t made a promise to Katie that I would search for “better daddy material” (read about that here), I probably would have given up. But as I’ve proven again and again over the years, there are things I am willing to do for my child that I’m unwilling to do for myself. So I went back online. And you know what? Within days I had five men pursuing me. Four asked me out. Three never made it to the second date, but one asked me out again the very next day and is still seeing me. He’s met Katie and deemed her “charming and delightful.”

I don’t know if this relationship will turn out any different than the others. Maybe I’ll end up with him or maybe we’ll eventually break up and I’ll date the therapist again. Or someone new. More and more I’m accepting the therapist’s assertion that dating is a numbers games. As he put it, you try on a lot of different shoes and see what fits best.

I do know this: if I want to see my writing in print, I have to keep sending it out despite rejections that sting. If I want to have a man in my life, I need to keep dating—despite all the weirdness, uncomfortable situations, and yes, rejection. I need to remind myself, again and again, that a rejection isn’t personal, it’s not a measure of my worth. It’s a simple matter of taste and timing. Nothing more. But when you find an editor who loves your words or a guy who finds you beautiful despite your flaws, oh is it ever worth the wait.

Savor the holiday season, my friends. I know Nate, Katie, and I will.

Until next time,
Cynthia Patton

About Cynthia J. Patton

Writer, Editor, Advocate, Speaker, Special Needs Attorney, and Autism Mom. Also the Founder and Chairperson of Autism A to Z, a nonprofit providing resources and solutions for life on the spectrum.
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