Separation Anxiety–An Update
avatar

Balloons_in_the_skyI will admit that when I first thought about starting a blog, my thinking was more along the lines of “I should write a blog” than “wow, I can’t wait to do this!” I knew I needed a blog to help establish my elusive “writer’s platform.” I had no real idea how a blog would help me do this, but it was one of those things everyone told me I needed to have. So I started it, without any clear idea of what I would write about. A writing friend suggested that I write about my life as a single parent of an autistic child. I didn’t think anyone other than parents of special needs kids would want to read about that and told her so. She said she thought I was wrong.

In the end, after several weeks obsessing about the non-existent blog, I started writing about my life—mostly because I couldn’t come up with a better idea. And guess what? Jenn was right. Based on the many comments I’ve received, people enjoy reading about my unplanned life. And in doing so, I have somehow, for many of you, put a “face” on autism. This alone would keep me writing.

What I never expected was that sometimes you, the reader, would respond to my writing in ways that would flip my world upside down, make me look at an issue in an entirely new way. This happened recently after I posted “Separation Anxiety” (you can read it here).

Sheila Pai, a woman I know virtually through my business mentorship group, wrote the following:

Reading this, I feel my experience with my children (one closing in on 4 and the other nearing 2). They are gaining words, skills and wants. They are both on me, all over me. All. Day. I can hear you are wondering what is happening with her, what you might be doing or not doing to bring this on, how to connect with her. It sounds to me that you and she are connecting in tremendous ways, that she trusts you and talks with you openly. I want to encourage you to consider embracing her sudden closeness. To see it as I see my almost four-year-old’s “clinginess”—she is growing up and looking behind her at the baby she was and suddenly feels scared. Will you love her? Will she still be okay being herself? Who is she? She is learning so much. She is realizing how much she did not know. It sounds to me that she might be listing all the things she does to stay safe and she feels safe in your bed, close with you. She is having some big shifts and reaching far out there and she wants to make sure you are still with her, that she can still “come home” when she needs to. That she is not lost when she goes out there and risks it all physically, emotionally, mentally….

I read this and realized sometimes I am so focused on the autism that I lose sight of the fact that my daughter is also, well, a child. That while her development might be delayed in some aspects, in the end, she tends to hit the same milestones as other kids. So maybe this phase is not something to “solve,” but rather something to celebrate and embrace.

I love that idea. Many thanks to Sheila for pointing it out to me.

Until next time,
Cynthia Patton

About Cynthia J. Patton

Writer, Editor, Advocate, Speaker, Special Needs Attorney, and Autism Mom. Also the Founder and Chairperson of Autism A to Z, a nonprofit providing resources and solutions for life on the spectrum.
This entry was posted in Autism, My Life and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Separation Anxiety–An Update

  1. Jennifer says:

    told ya so :-) Plus you are a great writer, and your stories are engaging. This is why we read books, yes, sometimes to discover characters just like us, but sometimes to give us a peek into another person’s life. It’s how we connect and understand each other. So blog on, my friend!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>